3 months post break up…it’s interesting ;)
Ok so my very last post was very mad and angry and sad all at the very same time. Why? Because I got my heart broken by a guy that I really really cared about and it was really unexpected. Yes I cried A LOT I admit it. I wouldn’t cry for a guy if I didn’t care about them but this guy he’s different…this one I fell in love with this guy. It’s really sad how we ended things. There’s no particular reason why it ended except for one D I S T A N C E 😦 Distance is really really really hard!!! If someone ever tells you that distance is easy well maybe that’s because they’ve been together for 5 years and more, but me and this guy was just starting. I know it’s too soon to say and call it love but I don’t know I can never explain it. It’s just a lot of things, happy things. Words can’t explain it. Anyways we broke up. He broke my heart sadly and he didn’t even warn me…that JERK! I was sooooo depressed but I didn’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I woke up every day and cried, cried until I felt numb! I cried in the bathroom. After showering I cried more and more and more. Then I put a lot or just about enough make up on my face. Then went downstairs in the kitchen and put on a big happy face 😀 just like that and pretended I was okay when really I was broken inside and out. I even cried in the jeepney…how pathetic! No one will ever know until now…until someone reads this but it’s okay because I am totally healed 🙂
Even though I was hurt and broken I had that one friend that I confided through it all, if it weren’t for her I think I would have been a mess! All I needed was someone to talk to. I tried to talk to my sister but I know she was enjoying her times with her boyfriend and I didn’t want to start any problems. I couldn’t tell anyone because I wasn’t ready. I was such a big baby, I have to admit that. But now I look back and now I’m like really Carla lol
I was really broken, I’ve never been broken. Except this guy!
Anyways enough about my sad emotional break down…I tried I really really as in super tried to not talk to him. I even put his chat box offline, I put his notifications OFF so that I don’t have to see what his doing. I finally took off our pictures off my wallet and put it somewhere in my room. I hated it, every bit of it. Then I deleted our messages on facebook together, I deleted our pictures on my phone, I just deleted everything. Yeah I hated him at one point. I still cried. I cried so much until I got so tired of crying until I felt numb until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Everything was just blank. Every feeling was whatever. I wrote him this long letter and I asked to skype with him for just one last time. This time he gave me the big message. Then I had every reason to let go. Yes he was an asshole at one point!
I keep promising myself that I won’t talk to him. I survived for like a couple of weeks. But he, he kept liking my pictures and commenting on my pictures and I was like “what the fuck” why are you still liking my stuff. Isn’t it enough that you already broke my heart?!
So on September…I promised that this will be a good month because I will everything go. I was going to let him go and say goodbye. I messaged him saying it’s best that we aren’t friends on facebook and then unfriend him…BUT he just won’t let me go. So yeah he added me back again and I accepted his request. I even deactivated my facebook!
I then decided to activate my fb again. Then I tried saying hi to him just to see if it’s okay. We talked from here and there. Then surprisingly he posted on my wall saying he misses me and that he’s lucky to have met me. I was touched. I won’t deny it, this guy was such an asshole but I still miss him, every bit of him.
Now it’s October (I told myself I’ll be okay by October) and I’m okay 😀 more than okay 🙂 I’m fully healed and recovered. When I see our pictures together I don’t cry, I just smile and remember the smiles that he used to put on my face and I remember his smile. It’s not bad stuff anymore. We’re still friends on facebook. I can’t remove him because I want him to do it.
So…thing is me and this guy…my ex we are good 🙂 We talk from here and there. Yes I still miss him 😦 I’m not supposed to but I do. And hey guess what…we skyped 🙂 We talked. 🙂
Possibly if I didn’t leave California I think I’d still be with this guy but hey if me and this guy are meant to be then we’re meant to be 😉
Until then we are enjoying. He’s enjoying his single days, dating girls and I’m enjoying being young and partying and flirting.
But he’s already asked if we’ll still be together if I come home in Cali…I hope but we never know…
But for now I’m gonna keep a little distance…I’m scared to get my heart broken…again
So yeah that’s all…long huh? But this guy is something…I can’t put a finger on it